I promised myself I would never pay money to see this movie. Turns out $.54 is my threshold for no money (thank you again for the Redox code Deanna).

Quick review: 3/5 stars. Yeah, some of it was funny, but there was too much swearing and very little of it was clever. Use the redox code. Don’t pay for it.

And now come the spoilers.

I have not read the Marvel comics that this is based on. Therefore, I am sure, the parts of the movie/story that I was actually interested in are in the comics. But since all I have seen is the movie I wanted to better understand the religious/political strife that causes the villain, Ronan, to decide on destroying an entire civilization. And while I understand the jealousy/rivalry going on with “sisters” Gamora and Nebula, I wish that would have been developed a bit more. Overall, I found the storytelling weak and the ending unsatisfying. *shrug*

If I never hear Bradley Cooper’s voice as a talking animal again, it will be too soon. (and yes, I know they are making a sequel. *ugh*). A raccoon with a Napoleon complex, making the plans, and generally being the most aggressive character of the bunch is just too on point for me. It is a concept that is trying too hard to be funny. And even when I don’t have to look at him, I don’t like Bradley Cooper. So, strike one.

The movie opens with the most painful moment in child protagonist, Peter Quill’s life (losing his mom to cancer), the same day he gets picked up by aliens and made a slave. And apparently threatened with being eaten. I guess that’s a regular thing out in the galaxy, the consumption of sentient beings. And our sad little boy who lost his mom, turns out to be a double crossing, womanizing, lowlife who is trying to build himself a reputation as the thief “Star Lord” when he grows up. I don’t know about you, but I like my heroes to have redeeming qualities. And there is no reason for any of the other characters (several of which call him names like imbecile and idiot during the course of the film) to follow him in the end. So it starts sad, and then gets weird and ick, and ends in a way that makes no sense. And Chris Pratt is not Nathan Fillion and never will be. Strike two.

The upside: Antagonist Ronan, aka actor Lee Pace, was pretty flipping cool. And Lee is fastly becoming one of my favorite actors. (The guy rides a battle moose in the Hobbit for goodness sake. Awesome!) And anywhere Djimon Hounsou is, I want to be. There wasn’t nearly enough of him. More Djimon!!

There were a few funny sequences. I’ll leave you to discover them if you are so inclined.

The two best bits of the movie though are the characters Drax (member of a race that can’t understand metaphor, sarcasm, or idiosyncratic speech) and Groot (a humanoid tree whose limited powers of speech allow him to say “I am Groot,” with various bits of inflection). These two are a riot. And the best part of the whole movie is potted baby Groot getting his groove on in the credits. Don’t skip out on that bit.

So that’s the long and short of it. Happy viewing. And stick around for a post later today on the impending New Year.